Walk in the Light

"Whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God." John 3:21 This verse spoke so powerfully to me yesterday. It was a bit of a down day emotionally - Eric thought I was heading back down the spiral again, but it was really quite a release. We both prayed and cried together, and afterward I read this verse in the Bible. Now that I can actually read again (I literally couldn't concentrate long enough to read even 1 verse in the Bible last week), verses that I have read so many times before speak louder and clearer than ever.
Whoever lives by the truth - not worries, not fears of what may be or might have been, not overwhelming waves of angst or despair, but the truth - Jesus is the truth, the way, and the life. The truth will set you free. Fasten on that belt of truth.... so you can stand.
comes into the light - Comes is an active verb, you have to move. Evil hangs around in darkness, nothing good comes in darkness, staying in the darkness doesn't befit a child of the Light, a daughter of the King. I need to keep walking into the light and stop lying down in the darkness.
so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God - Oh, wow. I have heard God say to me, "Do you trust me? I called you to this thing, do you believe that I am going to see it through? Do you believe that I love all your children because they are really my children? Do you believe that all things work together for good to those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose? Do you believe that pain can bring growth; do you want to grow? Do you really want to stay the same or do you want to become more like Christ? Are you going to trust me even when it is hard?"

I am feeling 2 distinct but very different ideas today: 1.) The battle is on, and I am in it. I have to fight this anxiety and depression with all that I have. I can't just lie down and let it claim me. Walk toward the light, call out to Jesus, believe that He is with me and working. 2.) Rest in God. My grace is sufficient for thee, my strength is made perfect in weakness. Recognize that I can do nothing without the power of God working in me. Hmmm. How can these 2 ideas co-exist? I think it is a bit like the whole Christian life. We are nothing without God's miraculous saving grace working in our lives. He is our very breath, our strength, our hope. Yet, He clearly gives us commands about what we are to do with the life, the strength that He supplies. We aren't to just float along, we are to engage in the battle. Well, I'm ready to engage.

God has showered me with His love through such blessed friends and family who have counseled me, listened to me, held me, served me. I am deeply moved by it all. I am actually thankful for all that God is revealing to me through this trial. I don't know if I could say that I wish it had never happened. It has been the hardest thing I have gone through yet, but I know I needed it to refine me. I also know that it is not over. The more I engage in the battle, the more the adversary will engage. Keep praying. I'll keep fighting, but this time with the strength that the Lord supplies.